how to anzac day!

it's ANZAC day today, so make sure you honor our BRAVE DIGGERS. i mean these guys gave up their life for this country so have some decency why dont you and take some time to REMEMBER THEM.

now, if youre unsure, you can do this in a number of ways:

- post "lest we forget" or a similar sentiment on your facebook account!
this is a popular method as it is a quick and simple way of showing your friends that you understand and respect the sacrifice of OUR DIGGERS. you can add to the effect by "tagging" yourself at a war museum or memorial service-- a dawn "tagging" is essentially watertight and nobody will doubt your higher understanding of DIGGER SACRIFICE for months, maybe longer if the accompanying text seems heartfelt.
(note that this method of honoring our BRAVE DIGGERS is especially popular/suitable for those usually concerned with gym accomplishments and gym memes)

- you can go to a march!
now i admit in the days of old these parades were a little better on account of some veterans actually still being alive, but luckily there seems to be a solution to this now: have the descendants of veterans march in their place! now the anzacs will live forever and we can celebrate ANZAC day for as long as there are white children! in my opinion this method has a greater potential to HONOR BRAVE DIGGERS than the facebook post approach; it's a community event, so you will be seen and accordingly recognized as full of honor by other notable honorers (note: full of honor for BRAVE DIGGERS that is, certainly not for nationalism or militarism, both of which have nothing to do with BRAVE DIGGERS)

- you can buy ANZAC stuff!
now this method has it's critics, but no other approach will give you such thorough year-round DIGGER HONOR coverage. the specific items you buy are not so important so long as they relate to BRAVE DIGGERS, although i should point out that variety is the spice of life so try and mix it up a little if possible. any combination of coffee table books, hardcover books, dvds, dvd boxsets, antique memorabilia, picture coasters, kettle doilies, paperback books, shirts, hats and temporary tattoos should suffice.

- get an ANZAC tattoo!
a real one i mean! now this isn't for the once-yearly half-assed DIGGER HONORER, you've got to be legit. and be warned that without anglo heritage and a ton of ANZAC stuff you will struggle to pull it off. but for those who can, no other method of LESTING has such a high impact. with regular exercise you will appear as no less than the very heir to the BRAVE ANZACS themselves.

-visit gallipoli!
this my friend is the holy grail of DIGGER HONORING. the pinnacle; you simply cannot honor them more than this. those who have made the PILGRIMAGE to the gallipoli peninsula are ascendant honorers, they understand the SACRIFICE our BRAVE DIGGERS made to a far greater extent than you or i because they've been there man. no other method will cement your connection to the BRAVE ANZACS so irreparably.

there are also, unfortunately, some very big do-not's on ANZAC day that for various reasons you must not do.

DO NOT:

question the idea that all the BRAVE DIGGERS were all equally and uniquely BRAVE. although common sense might suggest that the likelihood of every single one of the original ANZACs being high-spirited, highly-capable, friendly and righteous is ludicrous, 100 years of work by official war historians have shown beyond doubt that the australian soldiers were just plain different to all the soldiers of other nationalities; they were braver, and they NEVER did bad things like execute prisoners or racially disparage the enemy. FACT

DO NOT:

question the sense behind a massive national obsession with a hundred year old war fought for no reason and in a social and political context so far removed from our own that to suggest any major parallels exist between the australia of 1914 and the australia of 2013 beyond the name of the country is laughable.

DO NOT:

try to link the HONORING of our BRAVE DIGGERS to nasty things like nationalism, militarism, racial identity or ancestor worship. those are things that are bad, whereas our soldiers from the past who unquestioningly fought in an unnecessary war on behalf of our imperial masters are good. i mean jesus! you try to have one day a year where everyone can get together to wrap themselves in the australian flag and literally idolize war makers and trained killers and suddenly all these armchair types start saying shit like "that's bad"!
well EXCUSE ME pal but i'm just HONORING BRAVE DIGGERS here.
i mean think about it! ANZAC day is for HONORING BRAVE DIGGERS -- that is explicitly what it is for. if you want to mention the pointlessness of the great war or the gallipoli campaign itself on this day: that's dishonoring BRAVE DIGGERS motherfucker.
if you want to make stupid academic points such as the BRAVE DIGGERS were fighting for england rather than australia, that's dishonoring the heck out of BRAVE DIGGERS.
and god help you if you want to take a moment to remember the non-australian casualties of war. it's not that, like, australian life is worth inherently more or anything. no no. it's just that this day is for BRAVE DIGGERS only. get it? just DIGGERS. you can lament the horrors of the past every other day of the year. go nuts! but if you do happen to feel sad for young men of all nationalities who died pointlessly in the worst conflict ever up till that time DO IT ON A DIFFERENT DAY.
ANZAC day is for not forgetting BRAVE DIGGERS, not everyone else. equating australian lives with non-australian ones on this most sacred of days is not just DISRESPECTFUL, it's UNAUSTRALIAN.


in conclusion, take the time to HONOR our BRAVE DIGGERS today. but ONLY them. I mean, imagine if we hadn't landed at gallipoli all those years ago. yeah, take a second and think about that before you go trashing our BRAVE DIGGERS and saying shit like "ANZAC day is much more of an exercise in identity politics than a genuine national reflection on the horror and pointlessness of war."

ANZAC soldiers were, and remain to this day, unique among soldiers. the best in the world! if i ever get the chance i'd love to try and live up to the ANZAC LEGEND force fed to us all once yearly.

those BRAVE DIGGERS were technically australians; so am i. the lesson we need to take from today is that it would be a privilege to die in agony in a distant and pointless war. that's uniquely australian, and apparently everyone would never forget you.

so now i say with pride "lest we forget". (the bravery of our own soldiers that is, forget war itself)